Returning to Surviving On One's Own

Surprisingly, the security at the airport wasn't as terrible as I expected. I made it through the line alright and the staff was even very cordial to us. Usually, airport security makes me so angry, but it's been good on the last two tries, so I guess all is well.

Again, I managed to sit next to a guy on the plane again. I should say, it was most impressive this time, because I was the only female in my role. There were two college boys in the two seats across the aisle from me and one of them saw me reading a Japanese magazine and asked if I was Japanese. I replied back in Japanese that I was Chinese, but I can read and speak it. Not sure if he understood everything I was saying though, because he's a second year. Apparently, he and his friend were traveling back to the bay area after going to Japan for vacation. I'm so jealous. One of my best friends lives there and I'm too broke (and vacation-less now) to visit her T__T. Oh well.

The other man sitting next to me did nothing, but sleep, but he was very friendly and I appreciated that. For some reason, I get along with guys really well during the daytime, but I'm totally on my guard at bars. Well, I guess it does make sense... men at bars are totally sketch. I don't trust any one of them.

Anyways, as soon as I got back, my great uncle and aunt took me out to eat and then to Ranch 99 to do some shopping. I did quite a bit of damage in all the things I bought, but I bought a lot of dried things for making Chinese herbal soups so now I don't have to shop for those things for a while. My entire family, while I was up in Oregon, taught me all these different Chinese herbal concoctions and so now I'm determined to make as many of them as possible if not all. I need to keep my skin looking good so I'm going to be drinking lots of watery broths and soups from now on. I didn't realize what I have been missing all this time down here in Cali until I went back up to visit my family. All the things I've taken for granted, I've come to realize how important and valuable it all has been so I now really appreciate all the things I had before I moved. I need to learn how to survive better on my own.

Now, more than ever, I really want to go back to Oregon and be with my family. The last few days of my vacation, I was terribly moody. I just didn't want to leave them. I was really spoiled up there and I just really, really, really missed my family.

I still have the same problem as I did when I was a kid though and I ended up crying when I had to let go of my parents. My parents dropped me off with my aunt yesterday 'cause they had to go back home to open the restaurant and my aunt lived in Vancouver so she could take me to the airport -- it's only ten minutes away. I was so upset to leave them lol. I'm such a child. I can't seem to grow up when it comes to separating from my parents. I used to cry too when I was a kid and had to separate from my parents. I wonder if it's kind of a subconscious reminder of the one time in my past when my mother walked out for a day with the intent of not returning. I was running and screaming after her, but she just left me behind with my grandmother -- who ia not the best mother in-law in the world, by the way. But she returned after a few hours and held on to me crying. I was still very young, but I think there was a slight impact there so I've always been afraid of abandonment, and I would cry every time I separate from my mother if I know I won't be able to see her for a long time. Pathetic, but it's what happens.

Anyway, I really should get a move on studying for my CPA exam this year. I have every intention of passing this thing by the time I'm 26, but if I get it by the time I'm 25 (or before -- which isn't likely), even better. I really want to get it. I hope I get it =_= But... for the next seven to eight months, I'm expecting a lot of pain and agony from studying. I should expect that my temper will be very foul in the next few months ahead =_= *sigh*