腐れ縁絆

I believe in bonds in this world that make certain people inseparable of each other regardless of good or bad. To me, there is one person in this world that shares this type of bond with me and it happens to be someone I am not too fond of for the past few years. No matter how far I run, or where she goes, we always end up back in the same place together. The relationship is all about her taking and me only giving. She is manipulative, but the worst part is that it is all unintentional so you can't say she is conniving or anything. She simply has a way to make people do what she wants them to do. She is a total user and abuser, but we all fall into her pace for some reason. Maybe it is because she is younger so we always end up going her way. I don't know or want to reason with it anymore, but I feel like I look out for her too much and I really should take care of myself more than her.

If she heard me think this, she'll probably say that I never look out for her or that I'm just full of bull 'cause she's so great and all. She probably thinks that she's the one looking out for me, when in fact she hardly ever does anything or stick up for me. She never sticks up for me and even when she's in the wrong, she doesn't believe that she is and refuses to apologize. This relationship is both toxic and draining on me, but it's like cancer that's metastasized to the point it cannot be removed from my body anymore. Even chemo won't kill it. That's how I feel.

I can't tell her how I feel. She says it's ok to tell her anything and that we need to be honest to each other, but ... if I try to tell her how I feel, she doesn't listen. In the middle of what I'm saying, she'll interrupt me with a random outburst or something else so it's like she has never even really listened to you. I'm just so tired of her. I can't believe that even on vacation, I am thinking about how much I hate the fact that I can't separate her from my life. She is like opium. Poisonous, but I can't get away from it.