Back at the Bookstore

So I've move on past the last test section and now studying for the next one. I really have no idea whether or not I'll pass, but I have to do whatever I need to do in order to be able to really live without any regrets. And though I don't want to go to work tomorrow, it'll be a start to ending all my problems with this line of work. I'm going to believe that things are going to get better. Rather than just try to believe, I want to actually believe. The workplace may stay the same and my boss may continue throwing the same comments at me, but I want to become someone who can handle all of that. I don't want to let my temper get the better of me, but I don't want to shirk back and let people take advantage of me.

I had this really interesting conversation with my mother last night about how Asians tend to not stand up for other people, don't meddle in other people's businesses, avoids conflict like the plague, humble to a fault, and just deal with things silently rather than speak up about it. In America, we can't be like this. What may have worked over on the east side, can't work over on the west side. My life has been really hard my entire life 'cause I've been taught to be traditional, to not say anything, to just bear with it until my chance came, while I should have been fighting it out with people when I've been wronged, grabbing chances when they come, speak up to sell myself instead of shrinking into nothing. So, I've decided that I need to work hard at changing myself. My lack of confidence may have been spawned from being told that I can't be good enough at a lot of things, and I should stay conservative, and so now we have this product of self-destruction.

So some steps for me to take:

1. Save humility for family and friends, if the boss praises you, say "Thank you, I worked really hard on this and I'm proud of it."
2. Tell my coworker that I don't like it when she raises her voice at me just because I happened to be there and she got mad at someone else's mistake and is now taking it out on me, the next time she takes out her frustration on me.
3. Tell off the bosses' son the next time he throws things at the admin people. It's inappropriate. I don't care if he's the son of the president of the United States, you don't throw things at people, period.
4. Take more breaks, one every 90 minutes.
5. Get rid of weasel words from my vocabulary. No more "I'll try my best," it should be "I'll do my best."
6. Change my posture. Hands on top of the desk, not underneath when at a meeting.
7. Smile even when I feel like killing someone.
8. Speak and articulate better -- no idea when this got so bad.
9. Don't be scared. Life's too short to be living in fear all the time. If he hates you, he hates you. No need to be liked all the time. Dissonance and discord is what life is all about, and the element that makes people stronger. Harmony only weakens you even though it's really nice.

So that's for a start. I might only be able to accomplish one out of the nine, but one is better than none. Going to give it my best. Beat this system of repression and get out of here.