So life has been this ongoing routine of coffee in the morning and then not being able to sleep at night, then one day my body crashes and I finally get the sleep I need, but I am more exhausted the next day. Such a vicious cycle this all is =_= I just can't work when my brain refuses to properly function T__T. Still, I'm trying my best and catching all the things I'm wouldn't usually find if I had been doing all of this last year. Today was one of those days where I just didn't feel all that productive at all 'cause my body was sluggish and my mind was halfway in limbo. I was pretty drained from just conversing with one of my bosses today, and from when one of my coworkers talked about her situation.
One of my coworkers was let go, but she can stay until April 15th. She did something that shouldn't have been done in the middle of February during busy season, but she doesn't understand what she did wasn't right 'cause when you try to explain it to her, she doesn't really get it or listen to what you're saying. Her English comprehension isn't very good, so things come out badly at times and I have given up reasoning or trying to straighten things out with her. She took up 20 minutes of my time today talking about how the bosses are such bad people and that one of them called her a handicap. I told her that our boss probably didn't say it in that way, because my boss is not the type of person to say something so direct and hurtful like that. I said that our boss probably said that her language barrier is a handicap upon her learning progression -- which is what I heard from my other coworker, but she said, "No, she called me handicap. Why would someone say something like that? What good does it do to her?" I could only just stand there and listen. I didn't say anything else, because she gave me that typical "You weren't there, you don't understand, you don't get it" attitude.
It's not like I don't see it from her point of view, I mean if I were her, I'd be hurt and upset too, but her not being able to understand where she went wrong was pretty sad to me. Then her not really agreeing to what you say just kind of tires you out so might as well just let her think what she wants. Her listening comprehension is really quite bad. She gets basics, but if you get any more sophisticated with words, she doesn't know what you're talking about and when she tries to explain something really technical to you, sometimes her explanation comes out more convoluted than it is helpful. One of my bosses made a somewhat inappropriate comment to her on that's why she couldn't pass her CPA exam. Yeah, that may be true, but I think some things shouldn't be said. She takes things the wrong way, so she's only making herself more miserable. She's been crying every night, not understanding what she's done wrong. I feel bad for her in that respect. She is a bit of a tragic character, because she is actually really bright, but her comprehension of the language slows all of us down. The worst part is that she really wants to know what she did wrong, but when you explain what it is, she doesn't agree with you and has her own version of what happened. She thinks what you're saying is not right and her version is right.
I don't even know how to explain it, but it really drained me. First it was her this morning, and then my boss came in to talk about difficult clients lol. It was like 1.5 hours of conversation that I couldn't exactly bill. I was so exhausted for the rest of the day too =_= *sigh* I love my coworker, but I really don't like that she doesn't get it when you explain things to her. She also insists that she's right. It's just exhausting. I don't want to see her go, but it's almost like her presence doesn't make that much of a difference at times at the firm. As I'm learning more, I've found that my level of understanding things is starting to move past hers. At first I was afraid, but I can't be scared of it 'cause I need to be better before she leaves. Someday when we hire someone new, I will be in a higher position and need to be able to help the junior staff. I have to increase my knowledge and be better. I can't stay below her forever.
In these past few months, I've been finding my voice and building up myself. While I feel badly for her, I just don't have time to feel sorry for her. It's kind of a sad thing to say, but it's not like I'm out there maliciously ruining her reputation or doing awful things to elevate me while sink her. I simply do not have time to be her best friend right now, especially when we are so busy and she doesn't listen to me anyway. I went through many phases growing up with some of my then-close friends where they were all about themselves, and didn't listen to me so despite my knowing the reason as to why she isn't listening to me, I just can't make an exception and excuse it. I have to look out for myself at the end of the day.
*sigh*
I'm just so tired. I'm currently trying to be as patient as I can with the new admin too. I tell myself that I should smile, but when I'm annoyed, no matter how I smile, my eyes are not kind. I remember how I was in my first year too, and I was just this annoying, dumb-as-f**k, mousy thing. I lacked common sense a lot of times and did lots of stupid things too, so I really should be forgiving, but you know... if I made a mistake, I made sure to note it so I wouldn't make it again. And yes, I had lots of repeated mistakes and I got dinged on them so many times that I'm sure the senior staff was just really frustrated with me, but they were patient so I have to be patient too. Still, if a senior staff told me to do something a certain way, it's probably the best way unless I come up with a more efficient way to do it and explain it to them why it's better. Usually if they tell me to do things a certain way, I'll do it that way and I'll do it that way every time unless told differently. I just wish this new admin would do just that.
Right now, I tell her to copy things a certain way or not to copy unnecessary items and she still does the opposite of what I want. It's really frustrating 'cause I have to waste my precious minutes to recopy her work and then be able to start on the work that I actually should be doing. I'm so tired of telling her the same thing over and over again. Come on now, really? I said that three f**king times already, if you can't remember, write it down in your notes!!! I love notes, I have to take notes. I can't survive without notes -- well, I kinda can now, but I still prefer to have them. Now, here's the worst part... even though she takes notes... she still doesn't really follow them. She does tons of other things than the things she should be doing. It's really vexing. It's like "Really? Seriously? How can you deviate so far from what you have written on the page?" *sigh*
So yeah... my life is exhausting. The coffee definitely helps in the morning, but then the inability to sleep at night is daunting =_= *sigh* I'm so tired, but I have to hold on. At least tomorrow is Friday. Thank god. I can rest on the weekend. I want to buy some broccoli or something. I'm dying to eat something different, but not sure what I want to make. *sigh* Maybe I should buy some tomatoes? I wonder what I should cook this weekend. I want some meat. Maybe I should buy some beef and make hayashi rice? Well, I have tomorrow to think about it.
Ah, so I managed to make through the entire Olympos album. I weeded out the songs I didn't like and sure enough like I predicted, "Yuuki" and "Genki ~ perfect issue" did grow on me. "Thank You" got weird at the last 3 minutes so I gave up on that one. I'm starting to like "Hatachi no Sensou," but the other two plus "BandAge" are my top ones right now. Out of nine songs, I only like four lol. Not exactly a great batting average, but seems typical with these types of albums.
I'm listening to Gackt's "Love Letter" album today and I really like it. I bought it his "Kimi ni Aitakute" single several years ago, and I generally like his songs, but this album is really good for some reason probably 'cause it's relaxing and I need something to relax me right now lol. This is a good album to relax to ^__^
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