Sunday, July 11, 2010
Officially Stalking
So I think I've figured out how to follow a blog. I am now stalking my friend and Shimizu-sensei lol. Just thought I'd report that ^_^
New Blog
So after much thought, I finally decided to get myself a Japanese blog as well. I have it under the name Azusamatsuri in Ameba. I still haven't quite gotten everything yet 'cause it's all Japanese and my brain does a little mini-shutdown when I have to use more than 5% of my brain's available thinking power =_=; I've figured some things out by just feeling around, but I'm too lazy to explore anymore than I have for the day. Need to figure out how to follow other blogs on it. I want to stalk Shimizu Yuki sensei *___* and my friend. Yes, the term is "stalk." I love them both equally.
Anyway, some strange news... my left ear can hear again O_O. But I think I'm going to still keep my Tuesday appointment 'cause the itching hasn't stopped. I first noticed the hearing when I was at the gym, I thought it was so weird that I could hear from the left ear and then when I came home, I could hear my roommate as though there's no wall there in my ear. Looks like the antibiotics and the ear drops did the trick... See, I'm a perfectly healthy person who can recover quickly with a little help... ... ... but this itching needs to stop =_= so... I've decided to keep the damn appointment =_= even though it's really going to cost me =_= *sigh* This blows.
I knew it. I mean, I just knew something like this would happen. *sigh* But like they say... something about precautionary measures and preventive medicine =_= *sigh* I hate this. Well, if they need to irrigate still, then at least it'll be easier this time around.
Anyway, some strange news... my left ear can hear again O_O. But I think I'm going to still keep my Tuesday appointment 'cause the itching hasn't stopped. I first noticed the hearing when I was at the gym, I thought it was so weird that I could hear from the left ear and then when I came home, I could hear my roommate as though there's no wall there in my ear. Looks like the antibiotics and the ear drops did the trick... See, I'm a perfectly healthy person who can recover quickly with a little help... ... ... but this itching needs to stop =_= so... I've decided to keep the damn appointment =_= even though it's really going to cost me =_= *sigh* This blows.
I knew it. I mean, I just knew something like this would happen. *sigh* But like they say... something about precautionary measures and preventive medicine =_= *sigh* I hate this. Well, if they need to irrigate still, then at least it'll be easier this time around.
Barnes & Nobles WiFi
So my VAIO computer really needed to install some updates, but I still haven't been able to get on to the internet at home with that computer so I had to go to Barnes & Nobles today to borrow their internet in order to update everything =_= Life's so much fun. When I get back to Oregon, I'm going to get the T-Mobile broadband card so I don't have to go steal public WiFi all the time =_= *sigh*
Ah, I went to Kinokuniya yesterday to pick up my copy of Dear+ July issue and joined their membership program after all. I figure, if I spend more than $200 a year (more like $200 in just 2-3 months), I might as well just get one and save 10% on all my purchases. Why the hell not you know? A lot of other magazines, I can just buy off of Akadot, but Dear+ is the only one I haven't been able to find (along with GUSH, but I was able to wean myself off of that one years ago). Anyway, I'm just addicted to Japanese everything so I can't seem to stay away from Japantown at all.
My left ear is still clogged and now it itches like crazy again. I think it may be trying to heal and such so it's just so itchy these last few days. My general internal medicine doctor prescribed some antibiotics and this antibiotic-like ear drop for my ear and so I've been putting in 10 drops a day into the infected ear like it said to do. I also made an appointment to see an ENT specialist in the city on Tuesday at 10:15A.M. so I'm skipping out on work for the first half of the day. *sigh* I hate losing work hours to a small little disagreement that my body and I am having. I already notified my boss about it so I'm good to go. I wonder if they're annoyed with me for always telling them when I'm going to doctor appointments, etc. No one seems to ever do it, at least I haven't ever seen it, but I guess my mom's always taught me to tell people where you are in these instances so I still do it. I have a lot of habits that other people don't seem to have and sometimes I wonder if they're all that good or not =_=; Am I being responsible or just plain annoying?
I have been doing quite a bit of shopping lately and watching my bank account deplete itself. I just stopped caring after making that appointment with the specialist. I did a forecast of my cash flows for the next few months and I should be able to replenish my savings that $1,000 I took out to throw into checking, H.S.A and pay the board of accountancy. I'm going to try and get my savings to be around $6,000 by year-end, and then hopefully $7,500 during the busy season. Before I go to Japan, I'll put $5,000 back in checking so I'll have enough spending money. No idea what it'll be like when I get over there.
I really should stop saying I don't have money, it's really starting to become like a verbal problem. I have money, I just am trying so hard to meet these financial goals of mine that I've been really on edge when I have to move money around to pay off financial responsibilities. I can always make it back and if I am just not so much of a spendthrift, everything would be fine. I really need to practice restraint with my spending. And when new expenses pop up, it just throws me off since I have a plan and want to stick with it, but of course, life gives us plenty of detours to make it much more interesting.
Man, it's been so long since I've typed on this computer that I can't seem to stop typing. I just want to continue rambling about everything that's happened in the last few weeks, but it seems kind hard to do since I'm neurotic and feel like people are peeking over my shoulder even if they probably aren't.
Oh, right now at Barnes & Nobles, there's a leak on the ceiling of the cafe area. I nearly got hit by a drop, but didn't. Looks like they just sent someone here to do some R&M on it.
Last night, I was watching "Sunao ni Narenakute" and it wasn't that bad of a drama actually. I think some parts really moved slowly, but the part where people became friends on Twitter kind of resonated in me 'cause I became friends with people I met on IRC. Granted that I'm close to only one, but I still have friends that I communicate with from time to time that I met on IRC. I was just remembering my time as an IRC junkie while watching the drama and thought about actually starting a Twitter account even though I've been so adamant about not getting one. That just goes to show that I'm easily influenced by things around me lol.
Another thing, I've started writing at the moment, but I really should be studying. I can't get this idea off of my mind and I really wanted to write so I've just been writing. I'm actually writing the actual story and its prequel at the same time so then I can get some facts straight in the story. I haven't quite figured out how to get the middle part to work yet though. This is a project I've been working on since my sophomore year of senior high, but it's undergone a lot of changes.
My main character was originally a girl and she was the centerpiece of my story, but I have changed it to her lover to become the main lead instead. The main girl used to be this weak, cry-all-the-time-sort of girl 'cause when I started writing this, that was the type of girl I was, trying to be strong, but complex and always depressed. In this version, she is a much stronger person and someone I can like more. Maybe it's 'cause I've change too since I was sixteen. She is twenty in this version while in the original, she was just a sixteen year-old. I figure that 20 is when you're an adult, but still kind of a child at the same time so it's a little bit of a limbo era where people are still trying to figure themselves out. Meanwhile, my main character is now the main guy, and I've made his two siblings more central characters. I think this set-up works better with the story that I'm wanting to tell. Also, I've changed their backgrounds and some names a bit to work better with the themes in the story. I really love symbols, motifs, and themes in stories. They make everything much more interesting so that's what I've done with this story too, I've put a lot of time and thought into it so I hope that sometime in my lifetime this story will be finished. Not sure if it'll ever get published, but I'd like for it be finished.
Also, this story, I've added a prequel to it since while I was trying to figure out the backgrounds of all the characters, my main male lead's grandfather became a very important figure in the past and at first I was going to make him into an antagonist, but over time I decided that I really liked him and that it wasn't that he's a bad guy, but that he was complicated instead. Some other people I've kept as actual antagonists, or changed from good to actual villains in the story. I think it'll surprise my friend, who read the draft of the very first version, but I'm not sure if she even remembers what happened in that first version lol.
Basically, the prequel and main story covers a span of three generations and four clans. The most interesting characters are in the first and third generations, with the second generation simply being a bit of a bridge so bits and pieces of the second generation is touched on in both stories, but I think the main story will cover more on things that happened in the second generation. (I know this isn't making much sense to whoever is reading this right now 'cause I'm kind of thinking as I'm typing) I really should be studying, but I really like this new direction I'm taking with the story. I guess, I still haven't given up my dream on writing a novel. It's just a really simple wish of mine, that's taking forever to complete. I used to want to be a mangaka, but I just don't have talent for it so I give up on that dream. I would like to write a novel and have someone draw it. If it could get published and translated into Japanese someday, that would be so indescribably wonderful. It would be a real honor if one of my favorite mangaka could do illustrations or a manga for it. I guess I could always do my own illustrations for the novel if I ever complete it since it's not like I can't draw, but I wish someone professional can do it. ... I just have to write the damn thing first and hope it's good lol.
But for now... I have to become a CPA. This is my parents' dream, so I have to grant that one first before I can really achieve my own goal =_=; Or... maybe I'll try to do both at the same time? No, can't do that 'cause when I trying to do too much, I just fail miserably at everything altogether. *sigh* I wish life can be easier =_=;
Ah, I went to Kinokuniya yesterday to pick up my copy of Dear+ July issue and joined their membership program after all. I figure, if I spend more than $200 a year (more like $200 in just 2-3 months), I might as well just get one and save 10% on all my purchases. Why the hell not you know? A lot of other magazines, I can just buy off of Akadot, but Dear+ is the only one I haven't been able to find (along with GUSH, but I was able to wean myself off of that one years ago). Anyway, I'm just addicted to Japanese everything so I can't seem to stay away from Japantown at all.
My left ear is still clogged and now it itches like crazy again. I think it may be trying to heal and such so it's just so itchy these last few days. My general internal medicine doctor prescribed some antibiotics and this antibiotic-like ear drop for my ear and so I've been putting in 10 drops a day into the infected ear like it said to do. I also made an appointment to see an ENT specialist in the city on Tuesday at 10:15A.M. so I'm skipping out on work for the first half of the day. *sigh* I hate losing work hours to a small little disagreement that my body and I am having. I already notified my boss about it so I'm good to go. I wonder if they're annoyed with me for always telling them when I'm going to doctor appointments, etc. No one seems to ever do it, at least I haven't ever seen it, but I guess my mom's always taught me to tell people where you are in these instances so I still do it. I have a lot of habits that other people don't seem to have and sometimes I wonder if they're all that good or not =_=; Am I being responsible or just plain annoying?
I have been doing quite a bit of shopping lately and watching my bank account deplete itself. I just stopped caring after making that appointment with the specialist. I did a forecast of my cash flows for the next few months and I should be able to replenish my savings that $1,000 I took out to throw into checking, H.S.A and pay the board of accountancy. I'm going to try and get my savings to be around $6,000 by year-end, and then hopefully $7,500 during the busy season. Before I go to Japan, I'll put $5,000 back in checking so I'll have enough spending money. No idea what it'll be like when I get over there.
I really should stop saying I don't have money, it's really starting to become like a verbal problem. I have money, I just am trying so hard to meet these financial goals of mine that I've been really on edge when I have to move money around to pay off financial responsibilities. I can always make it back and if I am just not so much of a spendthrift, everything would be fine. I really need to practice restraint with my spending. And when new expenses pop up, it just throws me off since I have a plan and want to stick with it, but of course, life gives us plenty of detours to make it much more interesting.
Man, it's been so long since I've typed on this computer that I can't seem to stop typing. I just want to continue rambling about everything that's happened in the last few weeks, but it seems kind hard to do since I'm neurotic and feel like people are peeking over my shoulder even if they probably aren't.
Oh, right now at Barnes & Nobles, there's a leak on the ceiling of the cafe area. I nearly got hit by a drop, but didn't. Looks like they just sent someone here to do some R&M on it.
Last night, I was watching "Sunao ni Narenakute" and it wasn't that bad of a drama actually. I think some parts really moved slowly, but the part where people became friends on Twitter kind of resonated in me 'cause I became friends with people I met on IRC. Granted that I'm close to only one, but I still have friends that I communicate with from time to time that I met on IRC. I was just remembering my time as an IRC junkie while watching the drama and thought about actually starting a Twitter account even though I've been so adamant about not getting one. That just goes to show that I'm easily influenced by things around me lol.
Another thing, I've started writing at the moment, but I really should be studying. I can't get this idea off of my mind and I really wanted to write so I've just been writing. I'm actually writing the actual story and its prequel at the same time so then I can get some facts straight in the story. I haven't quite figured out how to get the middle part to work yet though. This is a project I've been working on since my sophomore year of senior high, but it's undergone a lot of changes.
My main character was originally a girl and she was the centerpiece of my story, but I have changed it to her lover to become the main lead instead. The main girl used to be this weak, cry-all-the-time-sort of girl 'cause when I started writing this, that was the type of girl I was, trying to be strong, but complex and always depressed. In this version, she is a much stronger person and someone I can like more. Maybe it's 'cause I've change too since I was sixteen. She is twenty in this version while in the original, she was just a sixteen year-old. I figure that 20 is when you're an adult, but still kind of a child at the same time so it's a little bit of a limbo era where people are still trying to figure themselves out. Meanwhile, my main character is now the main guy, and I've made his two siblings more central characters. I think this set-up works better with the story that I'm wanting to tell. Also, I've changed their backgrounds and some names a bit to work better with the themes in the story. I really love symbols, motifs, and themes in stories. They make everything much more interesting so that's what I've done with this story too, I've put a lot of time and thought into it so I hope that sometime in my lifetime this story will be finished. Not sure if it'll ever get published, but I'd like for it be finished.
Also, this story, I've added a prequel to it since while I was trying to figure out the backgrounds of all the characters, my main male lead's grandfather became a very important figure in the past and at first I was going to make him into an antagonist, but over time I decided that I really liked him and that it wasn't that he's a bad guy, but that he was complicated instead. Some other people I've kept as actual antagonists, or changed from good to actual villains in the story. I think it'll surprise my friend, who read the draft of the very first version, but I'm not sure if she even remembers what happened in that first version lol.
Basically, the prequel and main story covers a span of three generations and four clans. The most interesting characters are in the first and third generations, with the second generation simply being a bit of a bridge so bits and pieces of the second generation is touched on in both stories, but I think the main story will cover more on things that happened in the second generation. (I know this isn't making much sense to whoever is reading this right now 'cause I'm kind of thinking as I'm typing) I really should be studying, but I really like this new direction I'm taking with the story. I guess, I still haven't given up my dream on writing a novel. It's just a really simple wish of mine, that's taking forever to complete. I used to want to be a mangaka, but I just don't have talent for it so I give up on that dream. I would like to write a novel and have someone draw it. If it could get published and translated into Japanese someday, that would be so indescribably wonderful. It would be a real honor if one of my favorite mangaka could do illustrations or a manga for it. I guess I could always do my own illustrations for the novel if I ever complete it since it's not like I can't draw, but I wish someone professional can do it. ... I just have to write the damn thing first and hope it's good lol.
But for now... I have to become a CPA. This is my parents' dream, so I have to grant that one first before I can really achieve my own goal =_=; Or... maybe I'll try to do both at the same time? No, can't do that 'cause when I trying to do too much, I just fail miserably at everything altogether. *sigh* I wish life can be easier =_=;
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
"Vacation"
No complaints, just some thoughts. I'm enjoying my vacation home as much as a vacation can be. It feels a bit like a mini summer break, I guess... kinda like ones that students take after finals or something and go back to their home state. That's kind of how it feels for me, only I have a lot of things to do and much on my mind.
I have to do some recruiting for my firm, and other important things. I have friends that I kind of want to see, and friends who definitely want to see me ^_^; so then I have to squeeze everyone into the schedule to make things work. As much as I love my friends, for some reason once I get home, all I want to see is my family. All the time I have, I just want to spend it with my family. But, I have a feeling that if I don't see my friends, I'm going to be bummed later on for missing the opportunity.
After this vacation, it'll be a while until I get to come back here. I have tests to complete by November, so hopefully I can get my CPA license. After that, I have plans to just live my life next year. I'm doing my research and planning my Post-April 15th vacation to Japan next year, figuring out vacation time to spend in Mexico for my friend's wedding next summer as well, and then the usual Christmas holiday with my family. I lack vacation time to go back more than once to Oregon.
On a better note, my family said that they plan on driving down to the bay area to see me mid-summer of next year. They plan on driving down during 4th of July weekend, so I may take a day extra off to hang out of with them depending on which day it is ^_^
Anyway, tomorrow I have to go to school and visit the campus a bit. Need to figure out what to do with recruiting so then I can go back to work knowing that I have done something and tried my best at making things work. After that, I plan on doing some much needed clothes shopping. I waited until I came back home to buy things so I'm not paying extra down there. I hope I can get tomorrow's work-related things taken cared of so I can just relax for the rest of my time-off.
I have to do some recruiting for my firm, and other important things. I have friends that I kind of want to see, and friends who definitely want to see me ^_^; so then I have to squeeze everyone into the schedule to make things work. As much as I love my friends, for some reason once I get home, all I want to see is my family. All the time I have, I just want to spend it with my family. But, I have a feeling that if I don't see my friends, I'm going to be bummed later on for missing the opportunity.
After this vacation, it'll be a while until I get to come back here. I have tests to complete by November, so hopefully I can get my CPA license. After that, I have plans to just live my life next year. I'm doing my research and planning my Post-April 15th vacation to Japan next year, figuring out vacation time to spend in Mexico for my friend's wedding next summer as well, and then the usual Christmas holiday with my family. I lack vacation time to go back more than once to Oregon.
On a better note, my family said that they plan on driving down to the bay area to see me mid-summer of next year. They plan on driving down during 4th of July weekend, so I may take a day extra off to hang out of with them depending on which day it is ^_^
Anyway, tomorrow I have to go to school and visit the campus a bit. Need to figure out what to do with recruiting so then I can go back to work knowing that I have done something and tried my best at making things work. After that, I plan on doing some much needed clothes shopping. I waited until I came back home to buy things so I'm not paying extra down there. I hope I can get tomorrow's work-related things taken cared of so I can just relax for the rest of my time-off.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
My Chest Feels A Little Lighter These Days
I was chatting with my friend today about her boyfriend situation and due to all the exercise I've been doing lately, it's gotten easier to talk to her again. The distance between us did a lot of good. I can talk and not feel resentment these days. Even though they have hurt me, made me feel badly about myself, and were just terrible to me, I don't feel so angry or sad these days.
I'm not saying that I want to jump back in and be best friends, because I know how it feels to be that in love with a friend and not have them reciprocate those feelings back, but it doesn't hurt to be able to chat once in a while and enjoy a friendly exchange. Also, because we have spent the last six months apart, I feel like I have waken up from a long nightmare and starting to get back up on my feet. I can't wait until Sunday, it's my study day ^__^
For some reason, I just really like studying and exercising lately lol.
I'm not saying that I want to jump back in and be best friends, because I know how it feels to be that in love with a friend and not have them reciprocate those feelings back, but it doesn't hurt to be able to chat once in a while and enjoy a friendly exchange. Also, because we have spent the last six months apart, I feel like I have waken up from a long nightmare and starting to get back up on my feet. I can't wait until Sunday, it's my study day ^__^
For some reason, I just really like studying and exercising lately lol.
Friday, May 14, 2010
Epiphany
I know I should be doing some last minute studying at the moment, but I came out of the shower, sat on my bed and started crying after my epiphany. I remembered something that I had forgotten for a really long time and I think I can be ok now, like as in really ok now.
I may be alone, I may not have any friends, and I may feel inadequate, but maybe I am not as inadequate as I have thought myself to be.
I have the potential and ability to be really good, I mean, really good at whatever it is that I am doing or want to do. I may be bad at economics, I may be bad at writing essays, I may be bad at a lot of things and my pride might not be able to handle all these flaws that I cannot seem to forgive myself for, but maybe the reason why I have not been able to let go isn't because I have been inadequate at understanding these topics, but because I have not hit against the wall enough times to bleed yet.
I keep thinking that I have pushed myself, that I have gone over the edge, and there was a time where I did nearly throw myself off the cliff, but I didn't. I got lazy and then I was not good anymore.
When I was young, whenever there was a challenge, I really did beat against that wall until I could break it. I worked really hard to get to where I was, but I mistook that for me being naturally smart. I kept thinking that I was naturally smart for a long time and then when I got older, and my grades slipped, I started thinking that this was some fall from grace. I lost my magical powers, I was no longer smart, and I was average. No, I was worst than average, I was nobody anymore. I could not be proud, and could not love myself.
For the longest time, I believed this, but today when I was studying and I could do the answers, I remembered why I was so great. I remembered how hard I worked. I remembered why people could be proud of me and why I could hold my head high. Somehow, I remembered those feelings and I remembered why I was that smart straight-A student. I wasn't naturally smart, I really worked my tail off to get to where I was. I struggled and struggled and struggled, but I always overcame my trials and tribulations because I really gave it my all.
Somewhere down the line, these last seven years have put me in a fog. I lost sight of myself. I started doubting myself, hating myself, and believing myself to be worthless, insignificant and inadequate. I was really disappointed in myself and lived in fear everyday thinking that someone was going to expose me for being the fraud that I was.
I didn't really know what I was doing. I sucked at my job and because I couldn't be better, I hated myself. But you know, I can be better. I understood all the things I read today and I was even able to apply them to my job this week. I got lazy and decided not to broaden my knowledge base, thinking that I was someone going to just get good and later go. It was like my boss said, I felt entitled. I never thought of myself who thought I was entitled to anything, because unlike my peers, I spent so much time beating myself up and hating myself. But... what I have been entitling myself to were excuses. I have been making far too many excuses for my behavior up to now. I might not want to admit it, but I think it is true. And because in the back of my mind I knew it to be true, I hated myself even more.
I remembered today that feeling of being great that I forgot for a long time. Right now it's all baby steps, but I think I can really be something great. I have the potential to be better than what I've made myself believe that I can be. I just have to really work hard and believe that I can that person again. I can be that kid who wowed people at the spelling bee, the one who passed 10 levels of piano exams, the last chair clarinetist who became principal and never relinquished the position throughout all of middle school and high school, and that straight-A student whose homework was everyone's favorite pass-around resource. I think I can believe in myself again after this epiphany. I'm just too tired to study now that I've sat here and cried my eyes out lol. What will be will be tomorrow, but I have found my rhythm again. It took some time, but I'm getting back on my feet.
All of this really started at the beginning of the year when I separated myself from my toxic friends. That was a good move on my part and then I started investing more time in myself. Sure, I spent the last couple months really depressed and lonely, but I think I have found a goal now. I think I have found my ambition again. I couldn't remember it for a long time, but I think I can be ok now for real.
I may be alone, I may not have any friends, and I may feel inadequate, but maybe I am not as inadequate as I have thought myself to be.
I have the potential and ability to be really good, I mean, really good at whatever it is that I am doing or want to do. I may be bad at economics, I may be bad at writing essays, I may be bad at a lot of things and my pride might not be able to handle all these flaws that I cannot seem to forgive myself for, but maybe the reason why I have not been able to let go isn't because I have been inadequate at understanding these topics, but because I have not hit against the wall enough times to bleed yet.
I keep thinking that I have pushed myself, that I have gone over the edge, and there was a time where I did nearly throw myself off the cliff, but I didn't. I got lazy and then I was not good anymore.
When I was young, whenever there was a challenge, I really did beat against that wall until I could break it. I worked really hard to get to where I was, but I mistook that for me being naturally smart. I kept thinking that I was naturally smart for a long time and then when I got older, and my grades slipped, I started thinking that this was some fall from grace. I lost my magical powers, I was no longer smart, and I was average. No, I was worst than average, I was nobody anymore. I could not be proud, and could not love myself.
For the longest time, I believed this, but today when I was studying and I could do the answers, I remembered why I was so great. I remembered how hard I worked. I remembered why people could be proud of me and why I could hold my head high. Somehow, I remembered those feelings and I remembered why I was that smart straight-A student. I wasn't naturally smart, I really worked my tail off to get to where I was. I struggled and struggled and struggled, but I always overcame my trials and tribulations because I really gave it my all.
Somewhere down the line, these last seven years have put me in a fog. I lost sight of myself. I started doubting myself, hating myself, and believing myself to be worthless, insignificant and inadequate. I was really disappointed in myself and lived in fear everyday thinking that someone was going to expose me for being the fraud that I was.
I didn't really know what I was doing. I sucked at my job and because I couldn't be better, I hated myself. But you know, I can be better. I understood all the things I read today and I was even able to apply them to my job this week. I got lazy and decided not to broaden my knowledge base, thinking that I was someone going to just get good and later go. It was like my boss said, I felt entitled. I never thought of myself who thought I was entitled to anything, because unlike my peers, I spent so much time beating myself up and hating myself. But... what I have been entitling myself to were excuses. I have been making far too many excuses for my behavior up to now. I might not want to admit it, but I think it is true. And because in the back of my mind I knew it to be true, I hated myself even more.
I remembered today that feeling of being great that I forgot for a long time. Right now it's all baby steps, but I think I can really be something great. I have the potential to be better than what I've made myself believe that I can be. I just have to really work hard and believe that I can that person again. I can be that kid who wowed people at the spelling bee, the one who passed 10 levels of piano exams, the last chair clarinetist who became principal and never relinquished the position throughout all of middle school and high school, and that straight-A student whose homework was everyone's favorite pass-around resource. I think I can believe in myself again after this epiphany. I'm just too tired to study now that I've sat here and cried my eyes out lol. What will be will be tomorrow, but I have found my rhythm again. It took some time, but I'm getting back on my feet.
All of this really started at the beginning of the year when I separated myself from my toxic friends. That was a good move on my part and then I started investing more time in myself. Sure, I spent the last couple months really depressed and lonely, but I think I have found a goal now. I think I have found my ambition again. I couldn't remember it for a long time, but I think I can be ok now for real.
My Show Got Cancelled T__T
Well, it wasn't really my show per se, but I really liked watching it. It wasn't really a surprise at all when announced 'cause there haven't been any commercials for it for weeks now so I knew it was on the chopping block.
So Flashforward is officially cancelled and the May 27th episode will serve as the series finale. The leads weren't that interesting to watch, but the side characters were great. I really liked watching the series for the side characters, which was probably the same reason so many other people liked watching the show too lol. The side characters rocked while the main lead kinda... well... rocked in a not-so-good way =_=;
I was getting kind of tired of watching Mark and Olivia. Both characters kind of were a turn-off to me. Lloyd was getting kind of annoying too. I only really liked Demetri Noh and Janis Hawk. I liked watching Takeuchi Yuko too *__* Too bad this series was so short-lived, it really had potential, but it kind of didn't move much. It took maybe 14 episodes before it got good. For a freshman series... that's pretty bad. Still, it was my kind of story and I really liked it for what it was. Too bad this is all it'll ever be.
So Flashforward is officially cancelled and the May 27th episode will serve as the series finale. The leads weren't that interesting to watch, but the side characters were great. I really liked watching the series for the side characters, which was probably the same reason so many other people liked watching the show too lol. The side characters rocked while the main lead kinda... well... rocked in a not-so-good way =_=;
I was getting kind of tired of watching Mark and Olivia. Both characters kind of were a turn-off to me. Lloyd was getting kind of annoying too. I only really liked Demetri Noh and Janis Hawk. I liked watching Takeuchi Yuko too *__* Too bad this series was so short-lived, it really had potential, but it kind of didn't move much. It took maybe 14 episodes before it got good. For a freshman series... that's pretty bad. Still, it was my kind of story and I really liked it for what it was. Too bad this is all it'll ever be.
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