I know it's all in my head... but I'm really enjoying the moment for what it is. Nothing materialized or will ever materialize, but I am quite smitten with my weekend. I think I'm in love...
At least for now.
Monday, December 6, 2010
Sunday, December 5, 2010
An Epic Evening
I had one of the greatest party experiences of my entire life yesterday and felt that I should shout it out from the roof tops... in a way. I felt sophisticated, yet trampy at the same time, it was an amazing experience.
My brilliant weekend really started with happy hour after work on Friday when we went to a local bar and my friend and I got pretty darn happy with the drinks. We played pool, met some nice people, and then had to call a mutual friend to come get us 'cause we were way too smashed to go anywhere. My girl friend and I did a lot of bonding that night over the drinks and pool and it's been great.
She invited me to a formal winter ball/party thing at one of her friend's houses and I spent yesterday looking for a formal dress. I ended up shopping at Banana Republic and found this great silk dress originally for $175 and managed to discount the price to slightly above $100. I was down 2 sizes from usual so that made me happy too. I looked absolutely stunning in the dress by the way ^_^ I felt quite pretty last night. I wore my good jewelry, I wore D&G's light blue perfume, peep toe shoes, and my new Coach purse from Vegas. I was quite the looker -- and yes I am bragging XD.
Before we set off to the first party, we had a glass of wine at my friend's place and then I drank four more or so, maybe five at the formal party before we left to go to someone else's birthday party at a bar/restaurant that has a dance floor. I bought a round of drinks for my friends and then I told my friends that I was going to go dancing so I left them for the dance floor. I was just doing my thing and danced with several guys -- five apparently, one of my friends counted lol. It was so much fun. I haven't had this much fun for a while. I felt like a tramp, but it felt so good lol. After a while, my friends made me down cranberry juice 'cause they were out of water and then had to drag me out of the place when it was getting close to closing time lol. I was too smashed that night to drive so I ended up staying over at a friend's house and didn't go home till late today lol.
Due to some details that would give too much away, I have to keep the story to a bare minimum, but it was truly the most epic night I've ever had XD.
My brilliant weekend really started with happy hour after work on Friday when we went to a local bar and my friend and I got pretty darn happy with the drinks. We played pool, met some nice people, and then had to call a mutual friend to come get us 'cause we were way too smashed to go anywhere. My girl friend and I did a lot of bonding that night over the drinks and pool and it's been great.
She invited me to a formal winter ball/party thing at one of her friend's houses and I spent yesterday looking for a formal dress. I ended up shopping at Banana Republic and found this great silk dress originally for $175 and managed to discount the price to slightly above $100. I was down 2 sizes from usual so that made me happy too. I looked absolutely stunning in the dress by the way ^_^ I felt quite pretty last night. I wore my good jewelry, I wore D&G's light blue perfume, peep toe shoes, and my new Coach purse from Vegas. I was quite the looker -- and yes I am bragging XD.
Before we set off to the first party, we had a glass of wine at my friend's place and then I drank four more or so, maybe five at the formal party before we left to go to someone else's birthday party at a bar/restaurant that has a dance floor. I bought a round of drinks for my friends and then I told my friends that I was going to go dancing so I left them for the dance floor. I was just doing my thing and danced with several guys -- five apparently, one of my friends counted lol. It was so much fun. I haven't had this much fun for a while. I felt like a tramp, but it felt so good lol. After a while, my friends made me down cranberry juice 'cause they were out of water and then had to drag me out of the place when it was getting close to closing time lol. I was too smashed that night to drive so I ended up staying over at a friend's house and didn't go home till late today lol.
Due to some details that would give too much away, I have to keep the story to a bare minimum, but it was truly the most epic night I've ever had XD.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Arguments With My Mother
If I had the money, I'd take everything with me and hide out for a year. I've been constantly fighting with my mother in the last month, and feeling a whole lot of resentment towards both my parents for the type of person I turned into and the path that I must take in life. I feel resentment, because they say I should follow my heart and do what I want, but then turn around and tell me they're disappointed with what I've done to my life. And my bosses tell me I have a victim mentality, so that pisses me off more. I don't like being perceived as someone who always thinks "Poor Me." Even though that's all it seems like lately. Even I hate myself.
I don't feel like I can say anything or talk freely about anything to anyone these days 'cause everyone has an opinion about what I should be doing. I just need space from everything and everyone. I need to get away from everything that reminds me how much I suck.
I'm so tired these days. I don't even want to pick up the phone to talk to anyone. I'm angry everyday. I made my mother cry again tonight and I didn't even feel anything. I was just so angry. I told her that she was a liar when she said that she didn't care what I did anymore. I repeated it over and over again, because I was so angry. Maybe someday I will regret it, but currently, I can't be sympathetic. I can't say anything nice or think of anything nice. I'm ignoring people and not wanting to go out. I'm just angry all the time now. I'm exhausted and I need some sleep.
I don't feel like I can say anything or talk freely about anything to anyone these days 'cause everyone has an opinion about what I should be doing. I just need space from everything and everyone. I need to get away from everything that reminds me how much I suck.
I'm so tired these days. I don't even want to pick up the phone to talk to anyone. I'm angry everyday. I made my mother cry again tonight and I didn't even feel anything. I was just so angry. I told her that she was a liar when she said that she didn't care what I did anymore. I repeated it over and over again, because I was so angry. Maybe someday I will regret it, but currently, I can't be sympathetic. I can't say anything nice or think of anything nice. I'm ignoring people and not wanting to go out. I'm just angry all the time now. I'm exhausted and I need some sleep.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Unpleasant Memory
I remembered something unpleasant today, but it gave me pause and allowed me to think a little more clearly.
Two years ago, my friend flew back up from the bay area and wanted to go shopping. She neglected to tell me that she didn't have a car, so after we made plans to go the mall, she said "Oh yeah, can you come pick me up? I don't have a car." It took over 20 minutes to drive to her place during Christmas shopping season with all the lovely traffic, and then another fifteen minutes to get to the mall. We did some shopping, but I had to get to work that day, so then we had to rush back to her place where I dropped her off, drove at least another 25 minutes to get to my house, before driving another 20 minutes to get to work that day and then had to work really late. I was really exhausted and depleted, but I did it because she's my friend.
Then last year when she offered to take me to the airport for one of my trips, she was conveniently unavailable when I needed her to take me so I had to rely on my relatives. And then she offered again for my birthday this year, and I didn't accept at first, but then asked her if she could do it today and she gave me the answer, "Probably" which translates to "No."
So, I think I may need to book a shuttle or something, because this suddenly put my head in perspective and made re-realized that I can't count on anyone really. I'm on my own. At least I remembered in the nick of time.
Two years ago, my friend flew back up from the bay area and wanted to go shopping. She neglected to tell me that she didn't have a car, so after we made plans to go the mall, she said "Oh yeah, can you come pick me up? I don't have a car." It took over 20 minutes to drive to her place during Christmas shopping season with all the lovely traffic, and then another fifteen minutes to get to the mall. We did some shopping, but I had to get to work that day, so then we had to rush back to her place where I dropped her off, drove at least another 25 minutes to get to my house, before driving another 20 minutes to get to work that day and then had to work really late. I was really exhausted and depleted, but I did it because she's my friend.
Then last year when she offered to take me to the airport for one of my trips, she was conveniently unavailable when I needed her to take me so I had to rely on my relatives. And then she offered again for my birthday this year, and I didn't accept at first, but then asked her if she could do it today and she gave me the answer, "Probably" which translates to "No."
So, I think I may need to book a shuttle or something, because this suddenly put my head in perspective and made re-realized that I can't count on anyone really. I'm on my own. At least I remembered in the nick of time.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
I Also Want to Move
I'd like to get a job in the city and then live there. I need a change of environment. My roommate and I are on good terms, but I'd like something different.
Job Hunting
I'm discouraged one day and then fired up the next. I have exactly two months to get out of my current job, or else I'm stuck until next April 15th. The only problem is that some jobs require three years of experience and I barely have two in my current occupation. I've only had three months of actual administrative work that can be labeled as admin, and that part really discourages me. In addition to that, hearing my mom's "I really do hope you don't give up on accounting" doesn't help. She doesn't care if I don't continue with public accounting, but she still hopes I continue with what I learned. It certainly makes my life a lot harder to figure out when I keep listening to their feedback. I grew up with people telling me how to live my life and for the most part I always saw their suggestions as correct and now for me to actually question it and try to live my life is so hard. It's pathetic, but true. I can't really come up with a decisive idea of what I really want and I change my mind everyday. It's been really annoying. I hate my current job, but I'm not sure of what I actually want either. I have five days till the drop dead and then I need to really get out of my job before December, which means I have to at least land an interview this month, get a position in November and turn in my two weeks notice. I'm so stressed right now.
I really want to stay here, but a part of me is telling me it would be more practical to go back home where the cost of living is really small and one can just survive on $35k a year. Here... $35k is like living paycheck to paycheck. I'm just so lost and I have a feeling that I will stay in this state for a while.
I really want to stay here, but a part of me is telling me it would be more practical to go back home where the cost of living is really small and one can just survive on $35k a year. Here... $35k is like living paycheck to paycheck. I'm just so lost and I have a feeling that I will stay in this state for a while.
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Opera Tickets
My friend just bought me tickets to see the opera next month as a birthday present to me *__* I'm kind of melting right now. I've always wanted someone to treat me to the opera for my birthday. Now I've got one wish fulfilled~
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