I Saw a Deer

About an hour ago I was backing out of my parking space, getting ready to drive to the gym, when I noticed a brown figure rustling behind a green plant of one of my neighbor's houses. At first I wasn't sure of what I was seeing, but then it became apparent to me that this big huge brown thing was actually a deer munching on my neighbor's plant. I stared and braked. I pulled back into my parking space and parked it. Then I rummaged through my bag to find my cellphone only to realize that I had left it back in my room to charge since the battery went dead as I was chatting with my mother earlier on this evening.

I groaned since it wasn't there, but I didn't want to run back to the house to grab my phone since the deer might be gone by the time I got back, so I exited out of my car and ogled at the deer like the phrase "deer in headlights." It stared at me while munching on the green leaves and I stared back. It slowly edged away from me while keeping its gaze on me. I just stared and tried to move towards it, but it skillfully backed itself away from me and eventually made its way back into the little patch of forest behind where my neighbor's house is. Since there was nothing I could do, I just went back to my car and drove to the gym.

That was about as exciting as my day got since all I did today was stay home and read Twilight. My boss practically forced me to take two days off because there was no work to do =_= *sigh* I at least went shopping yesterday, today all I did was stay at home and read. It was just so boring =_= *sigh* This is the most boring things have gotten for me lately, but maybe it's a good thing 'cause I've had way too much on my mind and I do need a chance to relax my brain.

Ah, by the way. I just want to wish my dearest Q for successfully completing and graduating college this weekend. May you have a bright future ahead! There wasn't enough time to figure out anything so I can't make it to graduation, but I'll be there in spirit cheering you on. Love you lots~

Because I Can't Call At 11PM At Night

It's nearly 11PM and I'm distraught. I can't call anyone, because I would feel bad if I woke someone up from sleeping, and because I wouldn't even really know what to say. I've been having a really hard time emotionally lately. My grandmother started chemo last Friday for all the tumors inside her body. We thought she only had breast cancer, but it turns out that she had another tumor in her lower back area. She isn't doing so well right now and has been in the hospital for a few days. My parents didn't call me these last few days because they didn't want to tell me to worry, but I called them today and found out since I heard her vomiting on the other side of the phone. I feel emotionally wracked right now. I think all my nightmares lately have been because of my grandmother's condition. There's no reason why I should be getting scary dreams if not for the fact that something really bad happened.

So now in the midst of my job, boy issues, and my grandmother's cancer, I'm just exhausted and feel like I'm breaking apart really slowly. My parents are there taking care of her all by themselves and I'm really far away from them. Even if I cry, there's nothing I can do. I try to compartmentalize everything the best I can, but all of this has really affected me at work. I either work like crazy to forget everything, or it just bothers me so much that I can't concentrate. I'm really easily irritated, I don't handle things as well as I usually am able to and even if I'm not showing it externally, I'm a gigantic mess inside.

Maybe this 3 1/2 - 4 day weekend came at a good time. I should go somewhere. Then again, I don't have any energy for it. I'm feeling really alone and in need of someone to be there for me, but I don't want to ask anyone, because in the midst of suffering, my pride is still the most valuable thing to me. It doesn't help that I view all men as the enemy these days =_=; *sigh* Life seems to be getting so much harder than before...