First Date

After nearly 7 years, I went on my first date yesterday. It was kind of a semi-blind date though since I met this guy online and we chatted a bit before deciding to meet up. He is very nice and the type that will treat their girlfriends very well, but I just am not feeling anything for him right now. We may or may not go out again, so we'll see. We connected on what I call a "friend-like" level. I just can't get into him. He's not my type really though quite a few of our interests match. My friends keep telling me to try for a while longer, but I think I should end it before it continues.

He told me that a lot of times he'll devote and invest his time into the girl he likes only to have put himself into the friend position. I really hope he is able to find someone who likes him on a non-friend level, but I just don't feel comfortable with fulfilling that role so I should end it right? *sigh*

He was so sweet. He got me a rose and drove all the way over to the town I live in just to see me. I just wish there was some spark there. I tend to go with my gut instinct and right now it's telling me that I need to back off and run before it gets serious. I don't want to hurt anyone and though I like him, I only see him as a friend -- unfortunately.

Lately, I've also been thinking about my high school sweetheart. I don't love him anymore now, but in my mind I'm still in love with that 16 year-old boy in my memory. We had that chemistry and spark and we were very happy. It was a low maintenance relationship and we had a lot of things in common. We also had a lot of differences as well, but it was like we equaled each other out when together. The two of us were very happy and I'm still in love with that image of the past. I broke up with him a year and a half later when I felt myself growing up and becoming more mature than him since I was older than him by eight months. I felt that his mindset was still too childlike for my liking and so I ended it, but during that period of time when we were 16, it was like magic. I want magic in my relationships and if I don't feel it, I think I should end it.

Everyone tells me that it's hard to feel magic on the first meeting, but for me that spark on the first encounter is really important. When I met my high school sweetheart, I just felt it right away and started to really like him. He then asked me out a day before my sweet sixteenth birthday and it was just this extremely magical moment. When I said yes, he ran around yelling and screaming "She said yes!!!" almost as though I promised to marry him. It was so cute.

I guess, no matter what I do now, I always think of that sweet, innocent love from the past and compare things to it. I just want magic. I don't want any relationship, I want some magic to my life.