After nearly 7 years, I went on my first date yesterday. It was kind of a semi-blind date though since I met this guy online and we chatted a bit before deciding to meet up. He is very nice and the type that will treat their girlfriends very well, but I just am not feeling anything for him right now. We may or may not go out again, so we'll see. We connected on what I call a "friend-like" level. I just can't get into him. He's not my type really though quite a few of our interests match. My friends keep telling me to try for a while longer, but I think I should end it before it continues.
He told me that a lot of times he'll devote and invest his time into the girl he likes only to have put himself into the friend position. I really hope he is able to find someone who likes him on a non-friend level, but I just don't feel comfortable with fulfilling that role so I should end it right? *sigh*
He was so sweet. He got me a rose and drove all the way over to the town I live in just to see me. I just wish there was some spark there. I tend to go with my gut instinct and right now it's telling me that I need to back off and run before it gets serious. I don't want to hurt anyone and though I like him, I only see him as a friend -- unfortunately.
Lately, I've also been thinking about my high school sweetheart. I don't love him anymore now, but in my mind I'm still in love with that 16 year-old boy in my memory. We had that chemistry and spark and we were very happy. It was a low maintenance relationship and we had a lot of things in common. We also had a lot of differences as well, but it was like we equaled each other out when together. The two of us were very happy and I'm still in love with that image of the past. I broke up with him a year and a half later when I felt myself growing up and becoming more mature than him since I was older than him by eight months. I felt that his mindset was still too childlike for my liking and so I ended it, but during that period of time when we were 16, it was like magic. I want magic in my relationships and if I don't feel it, I think I should end it.
Everyone tells me that it's hard to feel magic on the first meeting, but for me that spark on the first encounter is really important. When I met my high school sweetheart, I just felt it right away and started to really like him. He then asked me out a day before my sweet sixteenth birthday and it was just this extremely magical moment. When I said yes, he ran around yelling and screaming "She said yes!!!" almost as though I promised to marry him. It was so cute.
I guess, no matter what I do now, I always think of that sweet, innocent love from the past and compare things to it. I just want magic. I don't want any relationship, I want some magic to my life.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Partying Too Hard?
I think I should refrain from drinking so much next time =_= My throat burns the next day, I feel like utter crap, and I can't decide whether my body wants to get rid of excess water/waste or needs to be fed. For instance, I couldn't figure out whether I needed to throw up some more this morning or actually put some greasy food in my body. It turns out that I needed to do both, but the feeling was pretty bad either way. I think I partied a bit too hard last night =_=; *sigh* Stress and company seems to cause me to drink more. I always feel as though I need to match the highest number of drinks, but I really am not a fan of drinking so much =_= I always pay dearly for it the next morning when I wake up feeling like I'm half-dead. *sigh*
I have never had to the experience of drinking to the point my body involuntarily causes me to vomit, but last night was a bit of a different story. I came home feeling the alcohol really doing a number on me around 2AM, then I stuck my fingers down my throat to get rid of excess and that was kind of gross. I rinsed out my mouth and such and gave up on the idea of a shower since I could barely stand, then went and plopped down on my bed only to get up about 15 minutes later since my body was telling me that it needed to vomit. So that happened and it was even better than the first time =_=; *sigh* Then I rinsed out my mouth again and fell asleep for real this time and woke up around 6:45 to take a shower, still feeling pretty badily from the alcohol and such. My throat was slightly burning and I still felt like throwing up, so I had to stick fingers down my throat again and then it was lovely after that too.
I'm not really a big fan of this process, it should be good indication that I should really quit, but we'll see what happens.
I have never had to the experience of drinking to the point my body involuntarily causes me to vomit, but last night was a bit of a different story. I came home feeling the alcohol really doing a number on me around 2AM, then I stuck my fingers down my throat to get rid of excess and that was kind of gross. I rinsed out my mouth and such and gave up on the idea of a shower since I could barely stand, then went and plopped down on my bed only to get up about 15 minutes later since my body was telling me that it needed to vomit. So that happened and it was even better than the first time =_=; *sigh* Then I rinsed out my mouth again and fell asleep for real this time and woke up around 6:45 to take a shower, still feeling pretty badily from the alcohol and such. My throat was slightly burning and I still felt like throwing up, so I had to stick fingers down my throat again and then it was lovely after that too.
I'm not really a big fan of this process, it should be good indication that I should really quit, but we'll see what happens.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Nana Chapter 82
The last half of the chapter just makes you want to cry. One can see Layla's transformation into her future self in this chapter and it is heartbreaking. The traumatic scar left behind by Ren's death really is devastating.
Another part that just tugs at your heart strings a bit is the exchange between Nobuo and Hachi, when she asks him if it's alright to name her child Satsuki. T__T
This chapter came rather quickly after the last one it seems. But now I'm wanting more again T__T. As much as I love Nana, I do hope it ends soon. Waiting a month for a chapter is painful =_=;
Another part that just tugs at your heart strings a bit is the exchange between Nobuo and Hachi, when she asks him if it's alright to name her child Satsuki. T__T
This chapter came rather quickly after the last one it seems. But now I'm wanting more again T__T. As much as I love Nana, I do hope it ends soon. Waiting a month for a chapter is painful =_=;
Sunday, April 5, 2009
Skip Beat Anime Ending
I feel a bit robbed during the last 10 episodes of the series, but they cut out some of the stuff that I skimmed through in the manga anyway so I guess I was ok with that, but to end the series right before Ren's acting test is just cruel =_=. The whole monologue thing they had Kyoko say right before the ending was painfully corny and I can see why fans want to destroy somebody =_=; You know... most series make tons of filler in order to stretch out material that's not there, but Skip Beat still has plenty of material to work with =_=, why end it so abruptly!? Ok, I don't want there to be filler fluff like some painfully overdone shounen series, nor do I want it to drag like Tsubasa Chronicles, but I wish they would have included Ren's acting test to show the breakthrough and then have it end a couple episodes later =_= 30 would have been a better cut off, or even 26 =_= The producers need to be shot. Oh well =_=.......
I hope they make a season two, but there's been no news nor rumors about it so we're all left hanging in the balances, hoping and wishing. Oh well... they've basically murdered the story anyway, so maybe it's for the best that they don't... ... ... ... though... I really would love to see an animated movie on Dark Moon, kind of like what they did for Fuyu no Semi in Haru wo Daiteita. I think it'd be fun.
Well, it's just a thought.
I hope they make a season two, but there's been no news nor rumors about it so we're all left hanging in the balances, hoping and wishing. Oh well... they've basically murdered the story anyway, so maybe it's for the best that they don't... ... ... ... though... I really would love to see an animated movie on Dark Moon, kind of like what they did for Fuyu no Semi in Haru wo Daiteita. I think it'd be fun.
Well, it's just a thought.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
戒 : 色
First, I want to say that I actually did enjoy this movie (Lust, Caution) and find it on my top 10 Chinese movies that I like. The art direction was stunning, the actors were just amazing, and everything about it was just so beautiful. Yes, there was plenty of graphic sex to go around and one pretty scary stabbing scene to boot, but I think it really helped show emphasis to the storyline plot plus character development in the movie. All the critics who are blushing and cringing from "over-the-top" nudity can just go gouge their eyes out for all I care, they seriously need to get a life.
For some, this film may be a bit slow-moving, but for me, it moved at a pretty good pace. I think I enjoyed it more than most people since I understood the differences in dialect and languages used in various parts of the film. Like for some people it's easy for them to just watch a movie straight in English since it's all in one language they could understand, for me it was straight through in all languages that I knew so it made the entertainment value so much more elevated for me.
A funny thing I wanted to note is that when I was reading reviews from westerners on this film, I really wanted to laugh when they say "a truer title to this movie is Caution: Lust." I'm like... well... yes, literally it is a true title, but unless you expect the rest of the western audience to read backwards, it will say Caution: Lust. I guess it really is bad on Ang Lee's part to write it horizontally, of course anyone would get the wrong idea, but we know better as we all grew up reading vertically backwards ^_^. I know I was confused the first time I read the title since it was set up as Caution : Lust, but since it is officially known as Lust, Caution (per reading Asian style), critics... please just leave it be. It kind of makes you look like an arrogant ass when you try to appear knowledgeable when you're just flaunting knowledge blindly.
On a better note, Tang Wei is amazing in this film. You really see the development of her character, Wong Chia Chi, throughout the entire film as realistic and heartbreaking. She played every facet of her character to the tee and just really wowed me. From naive, innocent college student in a drama club, to a conflicted and talented seductress, one can really see the change she undergoes and it makes it all the more powerful at the very end of the movie.
Tony Leung Chiu-Wai is also fantastic in this film. He is one of my fave HK actors and his portrayal of the brutal, sadistic, yet loving Mr. Yee was absolutely stunning. He really made you feel and believe as though he were actually from that era. Yee's job as a Japanese collaborator within the Chinese government made him a controlling, domineering force of evil, denounced by his fellow people as a national traitor. He acts as a gentleman at home and keeps much to himself, never trusting anyone or lets anyone know anything, including his own wife. Meanwhile, he is ruthless and cruel when torturing resistance members and signing their death warrants. The stress, pressure, and hatred that's accumulated from the dealings in his line of work makes him a closeted sadist in presence of those around him. The only person he truly drops his defenses and shows his wild, savage, and vulnerable side to, is Wong Chia Chi as Mrs. Mak. Unleashing all his pent up frustrations, stress, and anger unto her through violent intercourse, we see how much his job position is taking a toll on him. On the other hand, we also see how vulnerable he is becoming in the presence of Mak as he is falling deeply in love with her. Though he is brutal and physically abusive during sex, we can see the honesty in his emotions towards her. It's really heartbreaking to see how both characters truly do fall in love with each other, but due to their circumstances and turn of events, things do not end well between the two.
I think that the western audiences -- though much of their films have tons of sex -- are just nonsensically bashful when it comes to full frontal nudity. Come now, really? I can see the Chinese censorship getting in a tiff about it as they're a bit more conservative and seems to love finding problems in everything =_=, but really now, I think just deleting all the "juicy" parts kind of takes away from the film. To some, the 10-15 minutes of combined footage of sex scenes may be unnecessary, but I think it really shows a lot about the characters and it's also really welldone. One would think they were actually doing it for real -- of course, that is an argument for another day... or I can just argue about it now.
Yes, it looks like real sex. No, I don't believe they were actually doing it, they were just really great at acting it. Tony Leung Chiu-Wai is pretty monogamous to his then-long-time domestic partner, now officially legal wife, Carina Lau, despite all the ridiculous rumors thrown their way, so I would find it hard for him to actually have real sex on screen. Of course, people may just want to fight me on this, and say that I just have "wishful thinking" or whatnot, but I think Ang Lee was shooting for cinematic art piece, not trashy home-video pornography on expensive film. The cast was just fantastic and I loved every moment of it. This has got to be one of the best Chinese movies I've seen in a really long time.
I usually like Wong Kar-Wai, Chen Kaige, and Zhang Yimou for directors, but lately, all three haven't really made much of anything that I like. Wong Kar-Wai is good and has lots of potential, but his artistic movies sometimes have lots of loose ends so unless you have a tolerant personality and just enjoy cinema for the art direction, you will probably hate his works. Chen Kaige used to be good, until he tried to wow the international audiences with realy bad CG animation in "The Promise," which now has dropped him off my fave list in a way. And Zhang Yimou needs to go back to the classics. His art direction is good, but his penchance for extravagance is a bit over-the-top. I feel like he has a "What will wow my western audiences" checklist in his hand when he makes his movies, they all have a same sort of formula to them... which usually concerns LOTS of vivid imagery, colors, details, and predictable storyline that seems to still blow a lot of people's minds =_= (Is it just me, or do people need better deciphering skills? His movies really aren't that hard to figure out anymore. The suspense has long been gone). Yes, while one can say that his works are art pieces, I really miss the old Zhang Yimou direction style and the good old days (Gong Li era) when he made really great poignant movies.
Now, I like Ang Lee best. He is daring and not afraid to take risks. He utilizes his skills, talent, visionary to make something wonderful as Lust, Caution. It's unfortunate that he's getting (or has gotten) a lot of bashing for stepping way out of the boundaries of formula film-making, but I'm really happy that he did. Even of there are critics who despise his works, it's ok, everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but I do firmly believe that he has really outdone himself (no pun intended) in this sensually luscious masterpiece.
For some, this film may be a bit slow-moving, but for me, it moved at a pretty good pace. I think I enjoyed it more than most people since I understood the differences in dialect and languages used in various parts of the film. Like for some people it's easy for them to just watch a movie straight in English since it's all in one language they could understand, for me it was straight through in all languages that I knew so it made the entertainment value so much more elevated for me.
A funny thing I wanted to note is that when I was reading reviews from westerners on this film, I really wanted to laugh when they say "a truer title to this movie is Caution: Lust." I'm like... well... yes, literally it is a true title, but unless you expect the rest of the western audience to read backwards, it will say Caution: Lust. I guess it really is bad on Ang Lee's part to write it horizontally, of course anyone would get the wrong idea, but we know better as we all grew up reading vertically backwards ^_^. I know I was confused the first time I read the title since it was set up as Caution : Lust, but since it is officially known as Lust, Caution (per reading Asian style), critics... please just leave it be. It kind of makes you look like an arrogant ass when you try to appear knowledgeable when you're just flaunting knowledge blindly.
On a better note, Tang Wei is amazing in this film. You really see the development of her character, Wong Chia Chi, throughout the entire film as realistic and heartbreaking. She played every facet of her character to the tee and just really wowed me. From naive, innocent college student in a drama club, to a conflicted and talented seductress, one can really see the change she undergoes and it makes it all the more powerful at the very end of the movie.
Tony Leung Chiu-Wai is also fantastic in this film. He is one of my fave HK actors and his portrayal of the brutal, sadistic, yet loving Mr. Yee was absolutely stunning. He really made you feel and believe as though he were actually from that era. Yee's job as a Japanese collaborator within the Chinese government made him a controlling, domineering force of evil, denounced by his fellow people as a national traitor. He acts as a gentleman at home and keeps much to himself, never trusting anyone or lets anyone know anything, including his own wife. Meanwhile, he is ruthless and cruel when torturing resistance members and signing their death warrants. The stress, pressure, and hatred that's accumulated from the dealings in his line of work makes him a closeted sadist in presence of those around him. The only person he truly drops his defenses and shows his wild, savage, and vulnerable side to, is Wong Chia Chi as Mrs. Mak. Unleashing all his pent up frustrations, stress, and anger unto her through violent intercourse, we see how much his job position is taking a toll on him. On the other hand, we also see how vulnerable he is becoming in the presence of Mak as he is falling deeply in love with her. Though he is brutal and physically abusive during sex, we can see the honesty in his emotions towards her. It's really heartbreaking to see how both characters truly do fall in love with each other, but due to their circumstances and turn of events, things do not end well between the two.
I think that the western audiences -- though much of their films have tons of sex -- are just nonsensically bashful when it comes to full frontal nudity. Come now, really? I can see the Chinese censorship getting in a tiff about it as they're a bit more conservative and seems to love finding problems in everything =_=, but really now, I think just deleting all the "juicy" parts kind of takes away from the film. To some, the 10-15 minutes of combined footage of sex scenes may be unnecessary, but I think it really shows a lot about the characters and it's also really welldone. One would think they were actually doing it for real -- of course, that is an argument for another day... or I can just argue about it now.
Yes, it looks like real sex. No, I don't believe they were actually doing it, they were just really great at acting it. Tony Leung Chiu-Wai is pretty monogamous to his then-long-time domestic partner, now officially legal wife, Carina Lau, despite all the ridiculous rumors thrown their way, so I would find it hard for him to actually have real sex on screen. Of course, people may just want to fight me on this, and say that I just have "wishful thinking" or whatnot, but I think Ang Lee was shooting for cinematic art piece, not trashy home-video pornography on expensive film. The cast was just fantastic and I loved every moment of it. This has got to be one of the best Chinese movies I've seen in a really long time.
I usually like Wong Kar-Wai, Chen Kaige, and Zhang Yimou for directors, but lately, all three haven't really made much of anything that I like. Wong Kar-Wai is good and has lots of potential, but his artistic movies sometimes have lots of loose ends so unless you have a tolerant personality and just enjoy cinema for the art direction, you will probably hate his works. Chen Kaige used to be good, until he tried to wow the international audiences with realy bad CG animation in "The Promise," which now has dropped him off my fave list in a way. And Zhang Yimou needs to go back to the classics. His art direction is good, but his penchance for extravagance is a bit over-the-top. I feel like he has a "What will wow my western audiences" checklist in his hand when he makes his movies, they all have a same sort of formula to them... which usually concerns LOTS of vivid imagery, colors, details, and predictable storyline that seems to still blow a lot of people's minds =_= (Is it just me, or do people need better deciphering skills? His movies really aren't that hard to figure out anymore. The suspense has long been gone). Yes, while one can say that his works are art pieces, I really miss the old Zhang Yimou direction style and the good old days (Gong Li era) when he made really great poignant movies.
Now, I like Ang Lee best. He is daring and not afraid to take risks. He utilizes his skills, talent, visionary to make something wonderful as Lust, Caution. It's unfortunate that he's getting (or has gotten) a lot of bashing for stepping way out of the boundaries of formula film-making, but I'm really happy that he did. Even of there are critics who despise his works, it's ok, everyone's entitled to their own opinion, but I do firmly believe that he has really outdone himself (no pun intended) in this sensually luscious masterpiece.
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